Write Edge

write edge composition showcase

The Worst Day of My Life

By Giselle Chong, Y6

Introduction:
SS: Speech
CC: Maddy and Nick, Dad
S: At the hospital

Rising action:
-“No, no, I won’t accept it, I CAN’T accept it. NO! DO SOMETHING!!! HELP MY DAD!!!” ST+AT
-Nick rushed forward and pulled Maddy aside, he had just come to the hospital from school to see his dad. When he arrived, he had seen his sister, the loving, kind, warm-hearted little girl become a mad and raving animal. (Foreshadowing…)

Climax:
-When Nick heard the news that his father was dying, his shoulders slumped and his face turned pale.
-“Can you do anything, just anything to save him? Please, I’m begging you, I’ll… I’ll do anything!” ST+AT.
-Doctor shaking head. Nick enters his fathers ward. (Character Thoughts!) Their father’s breath slowly fading away. (Dad dies) “No, NO! Dad WAKE UP!!!” ST+AT

Falling Action:
-“I’m sorry for your loss” the doctor muttered to them as he led them to the door.

Ending:
-Link to topic
-Sharing of feelings
-etc.

The Worst Day of My Life
By: Nico and Maddy Di Angelo
Third Person

            (🌟Story starter: Speech!) “Nico Di Angelo, the hospital is calling you.” the teacher drawled as he handed the phone over. “Thank you, Professor Clark.” Nico thanked him and put the receiver to his ear. The quick chatter abruptly ended as soon as it started, and as soon as Nico put the phone down, he pursed his lips and asked, “Professor, can I go to the hospital? They wanted to tell me something.” (🌟Varied sentence structure!) Without a moment’s delay, Nico raced down the road on his bicycle, towards the direction of the hospital.

            (🌟S+ST+AT!) “No, no, I won’t accept it, I CAN’T accept it. NO! DO SOMETHING!!! HELP MY DAD!!!” Maddy, Nico’s sister, yelled at the doctor, tears streaming down her face. (🌟SNT-look-sad!) Nico quickly rushed forward and pulled Maddy aside, when he had just come to the hospital from school to see his dad, who had been sick for some time. When he arrived, he had seen his sister, the loving, kind, warm-hearted little girl transformed into a mad and raving animal. It was very unlike the cute girl whom he came back home to everyday to hug at the doorway. But little did he know, she had her reasons for acting the way she did… (🌟Foreshadowing!)

            “Hey, Maddy, look at me,” Nico instructed in a soft voice as Maddy promptly averted his gaze, “What happened?” Nico asked, lifting her chin up so she would be looking directly into his eyes. The next words that poured out of Maddy’s mouth blurred past, and in moments, Nico’s shoulders slumped and his face turned as pale as a white sheet. He turned to the doctor, “My father is dying… Can you do anything, just anything to save him? Please, I’m begging you, I’ll… I’ll do anything!” Nico begged as he stifled a sob. (🌟S+ST+AT!) The doctor shook his head, and like Maddy, he averted his gaze. “Come, young man, I’ll take you to your father.” The doctor sighed(🌟SNT-say-sad!) and led Nico to Nico’s father’s ward with Maddy trudging behind him.

            Before Nico went into his father’s ward, he looked at the doctor one last time with pleading eyes. The doctor’s gaze came back and it held sorrow, sorrow that he could not help the poor boy cure his father. Nick opened the door ‘you have to prepare for the worst.’ Nico reminded himself as he entered the ward. His father, once full of liveliness and joy, lay sprawled on the bed, his breathing ragged and tattered, coming in, in gasps, going out, as rasps. (🌟Details!) Suddenly, he turned his head. “Ahh… My Nico, My Maddy, you’ve come. I’ve been waiting for you.” Their father mumbled softly while looking at his children with all the love anyone would ever want. Though the words uttered were not many, it meant the world to the children who sat beside his bed. Their father’s breath slowly faded away, “The colors…They’re beautiful…” Their father said in a hoarse whisper before his chest stopped rising. Maddy started screaming, (🌟S+ST+AT!) “No, NO! Dad WAKE UP!!! No, you can’t, you can’t go…” Is there anything sadder than the broken voice of a crying child as their candle light of hope extinguishes? (🌟Great phrase!)

            (🌟S+ST+AT!) “I’m sorry for your loss,” the doctor muttered to them as he covered their father with a white bed-spread. Nico carried Maddy out of the ward, not looking back. They had never forgotten that moment, how the light had simply faded out of their father’s eyes, his life dangling just out of his grasp. (🌟Personification!) The horror of the worst day of their life. (🌟 Link back to the topic!)