write edge composition showcase

Indep Compo, A Mishap

By Sebastian Tan, Y6, Class T2L7

Teacher: Teacher Amirah

         (🌟Story starter: Weather Description!) Golden rays of sunlight beat down on the surface of the Earth, roasting everything in its path – perfect weather for skateboarding. Ben got a skateboard for his birthday. Delirious with excitement, (🌟Word bank!) Ben instantly called his friends, Ali and Cayden to meet up at the nearby beach to test his skateboarding skills on his brand new skateboard.

            With his new skateboard held tightly in his hand, Ben sprinted (🌟Ways to say: ran!) to the beach to meet up with his friends where there was a ramp built for skateboarding. For the whole hour, his friends played with his skateboard trying to perform complicated tricks. “Ben! Show us your signature move!” Ali cheered on and persuaded Ben to show off his tricks. Feeling challenged, Ben pretended to be confident but he knew that he could not do that move. Trying to impress his friends, Ben accepted the challenge. Little did he know the danger that awaits him…(🌟Foreshadowing!)

          (🌟Onomatopoeia!) “Whoosh!” Ben sprinted to the top of the ramp and attempted a very difficult maneuver. However, as Ben reached the top, his feet slipped and he glided at full speed crashing headfirst to the rock-hard concrete floor. (🌟5 senses: Sight!) Blood oozed from a wound on his head and his arm seemed to be bent at an unusual angle. Feeling the horrible pain and the aching, Ben let out wails of anguish and little whimpers from time to time.

         (🌟S+ST+AT!) “Cayden! Call the ambulance now! And Ben’s parents!” Ali yelled as he checked on Ben’s condition. (🌟Great phrase!) All hell broke loose as curious onlookers dialed for the ambulance and curious onlookers rushed to the scene to see what was going on.(🌟Crowd reaction!) Ben’s parents rushed to the beach like a bolt of lightning after hearing what had happened. (🌟Simile!)  Soon after the wailing sirens of the ambulance rang across the beach. The paramedics rushed out with first-aid kits and carried Ben into the ambulance. Without a moment to lose, Ben was rushed to the hospital for treatment.

            Remorse filled Ben’s heart as he saw the worried looks of his parents. After this incident, Ben learnt to not bite off more than he can chew. (🌟Idiom!) As he laid down on the hospital bed to rest, he thought of the mishap he got into and vowed to be careful in future. (🌟Link to topic!)